Haven
by persnikitty5
Summary: "There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." ― Laurell K. Hamilton


This fic is based off the same list as 'Remnants' but focuses on reasons that Carter/Reese should be together and also my own speculation about the injury that caused Joss to receive the Purple Heart

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It was supposed to be a simple, routine excursion to the nearby village. The village was safe they had said; cleared of any affiliation with insurgents. But sometimes words like 'simple' and 'safe' were relative terms. The tires of the vehicle crossed the sand, crushing the pebbles and rocks as the driver dodged the expiring body of some poor soul. In the moments after the storm of bullets, an eerie calm fell over the once safe village. Daniels was over her, shouting, but she could not make out his words. Carter tried to sit up but he placed his hand on her chest; holding her in place. She watched as Daniels ripped a piece of the veil from a dead villager and pressed the cloth into the gushing hole in her abdomen. She ignored the way her blood mixed with the sand on his hands and the excruciating pain that followed. He's yelling at her again. Before Carter can shake her head he has fallen to the ground, blood flowing from the wound in his chest. She closed her eyes, blinking rapidly but the picture remained the same. The rubble from the houses, limbs of civilians and soldiers surround her like a bloody mosaic. She was truly alone.

John was awake the moment she began to stir in her sleep. He was no stranger to He was hesitant to wake her, not knowing how she would react if he did. He reached out, gently placing his hand on Joss's arms hoping to calm her movements. Her body stilled but John could hear her rapid heartbeat.

"Joss." He whispered. The look on her face was one John knew all too well. The panic and confusion were evident in her eyes and the moonlight reflected the light sheen of sweat that covered her brow.

John's normally stoic face was transformed into one of concern as her nostrils flared and she felt the bile rising in her throat. Ignoring her dizziness, Joss ran to the bathroom as the contents of her stomach exited her body. She lay on the bathroom floor hugging the cool porcelain base like her lifeline. After a few moments Joss stood up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was wild and most of the color had drained from her face. She turned on the tap splashing a handful of cool water onto her face and then she wiped away the tear streaks down her face. She gripped the edge of the counter and whispered to herself that it was only a dream. A dream so real that Joss swore she'd felt the sting in her abdomen where her scar was.

When John entered bathroom Joss was seated on the lid of the toilet holding her head in her hands. Crouching down in front of her, he removed her hands causing her to look up. Joss quickly looked everywhere in the bathroom in an attempt to avoid his steely gaze. She was in no mood to discuss what had occurred.

"I'm fine." She said, attempting a smile that more closely resembled a grimace.  
He didn't respond instead he reached out and took her hand bringing her down to the cool tile floor. They sat; Joss with her back against John's chest with his arms wrapped around her torso, pulling her close. His body framed hers like armor. She felt the steady beat of his heart and tried to match her own frantic heartbeat with his. He offered no words of comfort but sat entwined with her, emanating the calm and steadiness that she needed, to feel protected. His hands travelled over his shoulders then to the back of her neck; his touch working her body into a calm state.

She felt herself relaxing for the first time in what seemed like weeks. Joss wasn't prone to nightmares and she could remember the number of times she'd had this particular dream; the first time had been when she'd returned home from Iraq…right after the first homicide case she worked and then again tonight. She always thought she could handle the dreams, keep them at bay even when her life reached the peaks of stress, but her subconscious left her feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. Out of everyone in her life she knew that John would not hold that fact against her; he truly accepted every part of her without judgment. The trust she gave him ran deep and he would not betray it again. Every veteran had seen some thing, some horror they wished they could un-see and she knew that her experience paled in comparison to John's, but that didn't lessen the impression it left on her psyche.

John knew there were few words that could soothe the pain and fear of her nightmare and even fewer people who actually knew those words. However powerful he was when it came to protecting her flesh, he couldn't protect her from those wounds that lay beneath the surface. Both he and Joss knew that some things stayed with you no matter how much you wished them away. What he _could_do for her was offer her a way to cope. He knew returning to sleep was out of the question. From her reaction he knew the worst of the dream had passed but that would not stop the demons that lay dormant in her mind from awakening. He released himself from Joss, stood up, and brought her to feet next to him. He entwined his fingers with hers and led them from the bathroom to the small table near the kitchen. After seating Joss, he placed a light kiss on her forehead then headed towards the bed.

Joss could hear him rummaging underneath his bed as he reached for the case and brought it back with him to the table. Taking the seat across from her, he set the case in the center of the table. He opened the lid and neatly arranged the four glock handguns, various cleaning tools, and solvents before placing the empty case underneath the table.

John slid the Glock handgun across the table in front of Joss. Her brow furrowed as she looked back and forth from John to the gun. He took hold of the second glock and began cleaning it.

"Do you really think it's a good idea giving me a gun?" Asked Joss.

"They aren't loaded, so unless you plan on pistol whipping yourself, I think it'll be okay." He replied, holding the barrel up towards the light as he checked for any missed debris. Normally his smart-ass comments would irritate her but she welcomed their usual banter and managed to form a more believable smile than before. Joss reached for the glock and began working. The sound of racking slides and the connecting elements of the gun filled his apartment. Joss felt her mind clearing as she focused on the weapons; inspecting each with keen eyes. It was ironic that she was now finding solace in the same weapon that had brought about her earlier fear. Their interaction reminded her of basic training and then the occasional free day while she'd been deployed. She and her fellow soldiers would gather around placing wagers to see who could take a apart and reassemble their weapons the fastest. Despite the incident with those soldiers and Yusef, Joss was able to find some camaraderie during her deployment. That same feeling returned as she sat with John.

The tension that had previously filled the apartment had dissipated and John was thankful for that. He finished up and sat there watching Carter inspect the final glock before reassembling it. This was one of the things he loved most about Joss; she was so comfortable around these tools of danger. Weapons, danger, and saving lives were key elements in his life and Joss not only understood them but she shared in his enthusiasm and need to help others.

"There." She said, placing the final gun in the case; after checking it one last time.

"I was wondering when you were going to finish, Joss." He said.

"Sorry, I can't help it, my drill sergeant always said 'cleanliness is next to godliness' whenever we cleaned weapons. I think he may have had OCD." She said, laughing softly.

"They always told us the fastest way to get shot was to fail to clean your weapon." He said. John shuddered as he thought of a similar conversation he'd had with Stanton. Joss nodded in agreement but remained silent.

They sat in silence for a few moments; each lost in their own memories of being young and naive when they had enlisted. Both knew they hadn't been prepared for the things they saw and certainly not for the things they'd lived through.

"Do you think they'll ever go away, the dreams?" Asked Joss. John tilted his head to one side mulling the idea around in his head before speaking.

"No, but they will be fewer and far between."

"So what do you do in the mean time?" She asked, tapping her fingers on the table.  
Reaching forward to grab her hands, John fixed his gaze on Joss.

"Focus your thoughts on happier times."

She looked down at their entwined hands and then looked back up at him and smiled.

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thanks to Maddsgirl75 for beta-ing. Let me know what you think : D


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